How to Shape your Habits with the Values-Based Actions Exercise
5 min read
Reading time: 5 minutes
What you’ll learn
What personal values are and why you should care
How the environment we create (or accept) shapes our habits
A 10 minute step-by-step values-based actions exercise you can do on your own
How often do you hear that the environment shapes us? Be careful who you hang out with because you pick up their habits and thought patterns. We know the most important life decision is who you spend your life with. The partner we choose impacts so much in our lives - from finances, career opportunities, to self-confidence and habits. But I’d like to talk to you about someone who has an even bigger impact in your life - you.
When I woke up this morning, minutes before my 7 am alarm, I stayed in silence. When the alarm went off, I turned it off, and began my routine. A choice I made the night before to leave my phone outside the bedroom made it less likely for me to go on the phone in the bed. I chose to leave the phone outside the bedroom because it aligns with my value - Growth. Those quiet mornings allow me to have insight and spontaneous thoughts, and observe the ideas my brain comes up with. And I made a choice the night before to shape my environment in a way that will align with my habits the next morning.
“The environment is the invisible hand that guides behavior.”
CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR DAY
Every day you wake up in the morning, you have a choice for how your want to spend those first few minutes. And there’s no secret recipe or secret sauce to the perfect morning, despite what some gurus may say (though this 6 minute routine by Hal Elrod is top knotch). You find it through experimentation and knowing yourself.
One of the choices we make every single day is: “What values am I choosing to live today?” Today, I’m 11,388 days old. Let’s subtract the first 12 years of that because we’re so much at the whim of our parents in that time. That leaves 7,005 days I’ve been alive, and had the opportunity to make a conscious choice how I want to show up. https://www.mindtools.com/a5eygum/what-are-your-values
EVERYONE HAS VALUES, EVEN IF THEY DON’T WORK ON THEM
Mindtools defines values as ”the things that you believe are important in the way you live, train and work. They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.”
You have a choice. Even if you don't know your values, you still have them. They're your default mode of operation and are impacted by your style, preferences, personality and choices.
Even though we know how impactful having clear values is, we don’t work on these intangible, invisible behavior blueprints. As yourself, how often do you…
…actually do something to change the environment consciously?
…wake up and flash an image or word associated with your value?
…stop when you’re emotional so you can make a choice that’s aligned with your values?
I know for me, it’s a lot easier to just coast, go through the motions, and “be as I’m supposed to be.” I don’t want to have to change myself to fit into the mould of the world right? The world may accept you as you are, but you can also be different versions of yourself.
STEP 1/3: WATCH FIGHT CLUB (2h 19min)
I know, I’m breaking the first rule of fight club by talking about it. But hear me out. There’s a lesson here, and you’ll love it.
David Fincher’s hit movie Fight Club [SPOILER ALERT] is about a depressed man (Edward Norton) who is suffering from insomnia and meets a strange soap salesman named Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) and soon finds himself living in his squalid house after his perfect apartment is destroyed. The two bored men form an underground club with strict rules and fight other men who are fed up with their mundane lives. Their perfect partnership frays when Marla (Helena Bonham Carter), a fellow support group crasher, attracts Tyler's attention.
The Fincher artfully shows that we all have multiple identities within ourselves, and those identities are often fighting for control of our habits, actions, thoughts. The one we feed often becomes the most dominant one.
STEP 2/3: NOTICE THE PATTERNS (5 min / day for 1 week)
If you want to unleash your inner greatness and be the best version of yourself, become aware of that default mode, that laziness, and that resistance to change. Embrace and accept it. Here are a few experiments you can run to get you started.
Observe your patterns without judgement.
Keep a thought log where you write down the most common thoughts you think. No judgement of them. Have self compassion, and accept them. Notice them.
Do a time audit for one day (I suggest a mid-week work day). Track how long you do things in the different categories. You can do pen & paper, notes app on the phone, or an app like toggl. Suggested categories:
Meetings
Sleep
Bathroom
Transportation
What do you do the first hour in the morning and first hour in the evening?
STEP 3/3: VALUES-BASED ACTIONS EXERCISE (20-30 min)
AfHere's how to get that process started.
Download the Values-Based Actions Exercise Template.
Identify 3-5 values that are meaningful to you. Define the values in your own words. You can use an online survey, journal, or ask those closest to you what they feel your values are. Mine are love, authenticity and growth.
Come up with values-based actions that match those values. For my value of growth and example action would be reading 10 pages per day.
Do a behavior audit to Identify behaviors, habits, and environments that draw you away from your values. Accept and embrace them. Have self-compassion with yourself.
Do more actions that take you towards your values, and limit those that take you away from them.
Shape your social and physical environment to align with your habits and values. Find the community that lives those similar values, and spend time with them.
WHAT’S THE CHANGE YOU’LL NOTICE?
Take time to explore your values, and you will begin to notice:
Clarity in daily choices and dilemmas - you’ll know how to make a choice that’s more aligned with your values
A changing social circle - you’ll gravitate towards people who accept you as you, and those who live similar values to you
Authenticity leads to inner peace - alignment of the inner world and external world creates inner peace and can lower risk of diseases.
